Little Flock in December.... but why?

Well this has been a truly crazy month....

I went to Little Flock in the beginning of the month and spent two weeks there. It was an absolutely amazing trip and even though I was skeptical to go for so short a time when I'm leaving again in May I knew God wanted me there and so I went. I say this so easily, but really I spent about a month arguing with myself and God about why in the world I would possibly make this trip for so short a time. But as time went on it became more and more evident that I was going to go; whether I thought it a good idea or not.

While there I spent the time with an amazing couple who I never would have met without our shared love for Little Flock and the surrounding village. It was so much fun getting to work with them and learn how to make cottage railings. I learned to weld.... well kinda. I wasn't very good at it but I learned the general concept. I also learned that welding in a scarf and sandals is very difficult and painful on the toes. I also learned that drill bits get very hot when being used... unfortunately I learned that the hard way (not to mention I should've already known that)

Seems safe... right? I mean who needs insulation  on welding
cables.... it's totally overrated. 

But that aside the trip was absolutely amazing and affirming in so many ways. First of all I got to have some amazing conversations with the staff (in English and Tamil!) about their lives and their pasts. It was really humbling to be invited into their lives and their stories through the things they shared. I also got to follow up on some very deep and sometimes painful conversations I'd had with a few of the kids over the summer and see how they've progressed and processed what we discussed before. This was an amazing experience because I honestly never thought I would be able to be used in these ways since I've never considered myself good with kids until I began letting God use me at Little Flock. These past two years have been such a time of growth in myself and I am so grateful that I opened myself up to God's will for my life instead of holding onto my preconceived notions of what I was good at. I was also able to speak with two more of the kids there about some very serious issues they have happening in their lives and I was asked by both of them to do further discussion and prayer when I return. Both of these kids were ones I never thought would even be willing to speak to me about non-serious things and definitely not anything on a deeper level. However being able to sit with them and discuss things and listen to them share was a truly amazing (a different kind of amazing) thing to do.

I also was able to spend some time simply observing life in India. I got to see the women from the village again and see some of the damage from the recent floods. It was heart breaking to see the damage and the need for help yet no body willing or able to help them. Going into Chennai I was able to see some of the heavier affected areas of the floods and the clean-up that was underway.

A big part of this trip and something I think was a major reason God brought me to India for this short time was that I had a lot of time to simply observe Little Flock and assess my time there and assess what God has put on my heart and where He seems to want me. I realized, as I have before but something I do a great job at convincing myself I'm wrong about, that I love life at Little Flock. But its more than simply loving life there, I have a deeper sense of the life that Little Flock could provide to the children and employees there. I have a deeper sense of God's longing to take hold and work there and truly change the hearts and lives of so many. I love being there because I know that God is at work there and I know that He is going to accomplish great things and I also know that He has some purpose for using me in that accomplishment. Everyday that I was there I would spend time in reflection and prayer and every time I was able to see this thread of what God has done at Little Flock and things I have done and experienced and how they all tied in together. I'm not saying I am perfectly fit to life there, there are many cultural things that I still do not understand and will take many many years to understand. But everyday I felt God whispering to me... see... see how I am at work in this place.... do you see My fingerprint here.... do you see how I wove these things together... It was an incredible time of self reflection and self assessment and of relinquishing control over my own abilities and ideas to God and simply saying okay... "God put me where You want me and teach me to fully rely on You for guidance and for actions. I trust You."

I think one of the best memories of this trip was watching 6 of  the
boys turn the clothes washing station into a "swimming pool" and
spend about thirty minutes playing in it. They had so much fun!!!

All in all the trip to India was amazing and was then followed by an amazing experience at Urbana. So to sum it up this May, God willing, I will be returning to Little Flock for at least 3 years. There are many things that need to be worked out between now and then but I know that if that is where God wants me then I will be there; if it is not then I will be wherever He does want me.

Thanks for reading this and again if you made it to the end I am very impressed and appreciative of your willingness to devote your time to reading my thoughts. I ask for your continued support through prayer as I begin this transition period of preparing to move abroad. Thank you and God bless.

Reflections from Summer 2015

Well I have officially made it back from India. This summer I spent five weeks there and it was an amazing trip. This year was very different from my time there last year. It some ways it was so easy to be back and in so many other ways it more challenging than all of my time last year.

Last year I prayed “God break my heart for what breaks yours”. He did. I learned that that prayer is a dangerous one. God began slowly breaking my heart for the people of India. When I first prayed this I expected to feel sad for the circumstances, to feel helpless to change things, to feel pity for the people. But as God so often does He shattered my very human expectations reminding me that the things that break His heart are not only the physical but so much deeper. He slowly taught me that He sees beyond the circumstances to the person. Slowly me heart was broken for the people in a new way that I didn’t understand. I learned to look at them and see beyond the poverty and sadness from the physical need to the emotional and spiritual needs. Last year God blessed me by allowing me a glimpse of His heart for the people I was living with and surrounded by.

This year going back I knew it would be different. I didn’t know how just that it would. I felt I was going home, like I have two homes (America and India) but I felt that last year I’d left my heart in India and I needed to go back and get it. Let me assure you, God did not answer give in to that expectation either as I did not go and get my heart back. Instead I gave it to God to use and shape and mold into how He wanted. He changed my heart and my desires and my ideas so much I can’t even explain; but I will do my best to do just that.

So what happened this year?

Well I already knew everyone, except the 11 new kids which I very quickly got to know since they already seemed to know me. But their presence meant it was different. Within the first couple of days I noticed changes within the kids since last year. Not only did I notice changes but I actually knew the kids well enough to be able to ask about the changes and discuss them. Some of these changes were simply growing up and maturing. Then there were other changes that went much deeper than just growing up. So the more I prayed about which relationships and conversations to pursue the more I felt God saying He was going to “break my heart and open my eyes to see how He sees” even more. The more I spoke to the kids the more I realized I only saw the surface level of their deeper pain. Yes, I saw past most of the physical poverty but I had thought I understood how these kids were doing and what their pain and sadness came. For the most part, I was very wrong.

This year God blessed me in more ways than I can count. He opened doors for conversations that these kids had never had before but so desperately wanted to. He allowed me to walk alongside crying and broken children and staff and point them to Him. He gave me words to say in conversations that were so heart breaking I had no response. He gave me questions to ask and strength to be present with the kids as they processed and shared things. He gave me a new sense of my complete inadequacy to deal with any of this without Him. But even greater He allowed me to be present with the kids and witness His amazing healing ability. As I sat silently and prayerfully with the kids I was able to witness His always present, always willing and always powerful ability to heal and comfort. He taught me that yes His heart breaks for the people of India who have so much need. He weeps for the lost and lonely who have no hope. They have no hope because they do not know Him. He also taught me that I, and everyone else, has a bigger role to play. No, we cannot heal the wounds which have been so deeply cut into so many lives, but we can point those people to Christ. We can talk to them, get to know them, pray with them and guide them to a place of seeking healing rather than a place of needing another mask to cover their wounds.

So what does this mean now? Well I thought it meant I would be different. And I am, as in I want to make myself more aware of how God wants to use me. I want to be more available to others and more geared to point to Jesus. But also I’m not different. I still get angry, I’m still frustrated over not understanding everything. My time in India is amazing and I know God has a plan for me there. I also know I want to surrender to myself to God daily, moment by moment to be made more like Jesus and more aware of God’s guidance and presence. So I know this isn’t much of an update on Little Flock or my trip as far as what I specifically did. But this is what’s on my heart. This is what God has been teaching me and how He has been preparing me to serve Him in the future.

I also plan to continue updating this somewhat regularly even while in the states with updates on what’s next for me and for Little Flock. Also if you’ve read this far I truly thank you for your willingness to read my very very long thoughts. J

Little Flock 2015

So I had originally planned to update this blog ALOT sooner this year. The team and I landed her July 26, and they have now all returned to the US except one other whop is staying until Friday. I wasn't able to come in to the internet while they were here because we were crazy busy! This team had so many different projects that were all going on at the same time throughout the trip. There was no way for me to get away. But the time was amazing, they painted cottages and ran VBS and taught chapel and tutored kids, built volleyball courts and had team devotion times. It was an amazing two weeks of fellowship and growth and productivity for everyone.

Now that the team is gone Ali and I have been spending time just hanging out with kids and just praying for Little Flock and for India as a whole. So there are quite a few huge changes at LF this year. First there is a new staff member/director, Mr. Davis. He is extremely nice and has such a great relationship with the kids. Its been great seeing him there. Plus there are 11 new kids, 5 girls and 6 boys. They are all pretty young, under 10 and mostly under 8. They have so much energy and bring so much life and joy to the place. There is alot more activity this year with all the kids running around.

For me it has been amazing coming back and reconnecting with the kids. I realized once I got here just how much I missed it here. Its been great coming into a situation where I already have the relationships built and can just jump back in rather than build them all up. I've had sooo many amazing conversations with the kids. This year I have found there is more of a willingness to be open and talk with me throughout the kids. Everyday has been at least one really hard but really good conversation. I'm not sure what brought about the change in openess, maybe just because I came back, but I feel so blessed and privileged to be used by God to minister to these kids. They are truly amazing and I love them!

Some prayer requests would just be for continued relationships and conversations. Especially for me to be completely relying on God throughout those moments and to speak His words and not my own. Also there is a school on the property being built, so prayers for that to continue and for safety for the workers.

That's all for now since I have to leave the internet cafe but I hope this finds everyone well and I truly thank you for your support while I am here. 

On our way...

We’re on our way!! So we have officially made it through security and are on our way.

I just want to start by saying thank you to all those who have supported us on this trip. We are heading to Singapore and then on to Chennai. We arrive in Chennai on Sunday at 9 am (Saturday around 830 pm your time). We will then spend Sunday and Monday morning in Chennai. We head to Little Flock Monday after lunch. 

While traveling and there we would all love prayers for the following:

- safe travels

- successful connections

- effective ministry to the children

- connections between team members and kids

- the jewelry making business and women

- the new micro-greens endeavor

- teaching and VBS projects

Thanks again and I will try to update again once we land!

~India Team 2015

Almost time to come home...

So I have two weeks left in India and I cannot believe it. The time has gone by so fast. I have to say I am really excited to see everyone and see where God takes me when I get back but at the same time my heart is definitely in India and I can't even imagine how much I'm going to miss these kids and all of the people here.

But anyways as for how things are going here... Really good! haha

Two weeks ago I started going to the school in Hanumanthapuram (sp?... I think that's right haha) and teaching English and math sometimes. I go three times a week, I mostly teach the 6th/7th standard classes but I've also done the 9th/10th a couple of times. It's been so much fun but really challenging. I am reminded many times how I am definitely NOT a teacher and since I never know who or what I'm teaching ahead of time I kind of just make it up as I go. But its been awesome and I really do enjoy it. One funny thing is there here everyone always asks four questions: What is your name? How old are you? What is your fr's name? and what is your mother's name? So everyone of the students as well as teachers knows my name, age and my parent's name haha.

Anyways other than that I've still been walking into the village each week which is awesome and the jewelry group is still coming. I love working with them even though talking is sparse since the language. I really am going to miss all of them.

The kids are all doing well and we now have a routine down as far as study time and school supply shopping (I usually go shopping like 3 times a week for things they need). So it's been really fun. Anyways I don't have much more to say than that and my time online is almost up so I have to go for now. :)

Thoughts from India

Recently I've been reading through the New Testament. I've been trying to study Paul a little bit more and have a better understanding of what it means to truly live for Christ. While reading Philippians one verse stuck out to me. Phil 1:21 "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." I began to wonder could I truly say that? I quickly realized no... But I think I need to understand what that truly means. I think that reaching a point where you truly grasp how to live only for Christ and to be so in tune with God and His will and to understand what treasures and peacefulness are waiting in heaven is something everyone should strive for.

As we drive around India going to schools or shops or internet shops we pass countless temples. I see so many people going to worship gods and perform rituals in hopes of gaining a better position in their next life. I prayed that God would break my heart for these people, as His is broken. I think he answered that prayer, at least a little bit to allow me to see the need for Him here. God longs to see everyone of His children praising Him and loving Him, yet so many people are lost and simply hoping for a better next life. When I realized how sad and lost I would feel if I thought that my every action was being counted towards my worthiness of a better next life, I began to understand the desperation that Paul had to bring people to know Jesus. I began to understand why he would want to say "to live is Christ". If we know who God is and who Jesus is and we know of His love and salvation, we know that we have an eternity in heaven with Him. So how could we not want to share that with the lost? How could we not see someone who is bowing down in front of an idol made of medal and jewels and not have our hearts cry out for their brokenness and need? I don't think I completely understand this. I don't think I'm even anywhere near fully understanding this but I am continuing to pray that God teach me and help me to understand.

So anyways that's a random thought I've been having and thinking about. If anyone is so inclined I'd love feedback or ideas or anything really.

As for life in India. I've begun taking weekly walks through the village. All of the women from the jewelry group have shown me their homes and I've met many of their families. Even the women who are in the tailoring class have been welcoming me into their homes. I think if I accepted the invitation to eat at every person who offered an invitation's home I would have about 15 meals each walk. But I've been learning a lot about the village and the people. One thing for sure is that I absolutely love it here. I love the village and the people and the kids at LF. They're all so sweet. Of course like typical kids there are arguments and fights but I really am enjoying being here. So anyways my time at the internet cafe is up, the car drops me off on the way to pick up the kids from school and gets me on the way back. But I hope everyone whose reading this is doing well, and I truly appreciate the prayers and support!

Bye!
~Amanda

Update from India!

So first I just ant to say thank you for taking the time to read my blog! I wasn't sure when I decided to make a blog for the trip if anyone would read it but I thought it sounded like a good idea. It makes me so excited everytime I log on and see new comments or more views haha.

Ok anyways... So ALOT of things have changed. First I had to move back out of the cottage with the girls. There is a new law in India that people cannot stay at children's homes unless on the roster or employed. So I moved back into the new guest building (which is sooo nice but also still under construction). I was sad because I loved living with the girls but at least I got to stay! So each night I study with the boys, teaching them math (its funny because I used to wonder why I had "wasted" so many years studying through calculus, well now I know haha. There are six students whop attend an all English school so I help them with all of their studies. After dinner I go and help the girls with their math.On weekends I kind of just hang out with the kids and work with the older children and the college boys with their studies. Colleges here are all English so I am able to help them. I've been helping out by monitoring school supplies for all of the children. Twenty-eight kids can truly go through pens and pencils quickly haha. But other than that I've been working with the women making the jewelry and slowly learning more and more about the village. Its been really good! Plus on a super good note I've only gotten sick for one day and I have learned I really like Indian food haha!

So I have a lot of time to think and pray. One of the things I've been observing a lot is the power of anger. A lot of the kids fight with each other (like every group of kids I've ever seen). But then even within the adults and village and when I go shopping I see a lot of people who seem angry. Even me, when the children disobey I get angry. At first I was thinking that anger is a bad thing. But I think God has been slowly teaching me that anger itself is not necessarily bad. But I do think that anger is one of Satan's biggest tools. Just like all things it can be used for good. Like anger at inequality can cause change. Anger at people being led away from God can cause change. But I think that Satan can use anger for his purpose. For example if a child comes to me crying and angry at another kid because the other one hit him, how do you explain that anger is the wrong response. Because most of the time that people are angry, it seems justified. I think that is why it is such a powerful tool for Satan. But I also think that because it can be such a good tool for evil that it allows Jesus' power of grace and forgiveness to be even greater. For example if I can explain to that crying boy that yes even though the other boy was wrong to hit him he should still forgive because we are called to forgive. I can then ask the boy to pray for the one who hit him, Satan's "good" tool of anger has not only been overcome by the boy not being angry anymore but it actually created prayer. Obviously this is a super simple example, and the issues of anger is much larger in pretty much every country. When I look around India which is developing so rapidly and growing and catching up with the developed countries I see such deep rooted anger at the many different causes of the pain here. The need for forgiveness and light is so much greater, but I think that with prayer and trust in Christ that there is a greater hope. Yeah Satan has a "powerful" tool by using anger to bring people away from God, but honestly God is so much more powerful.

Anyways I'm not really sure that this all made sense. I am typing really really fast because the car is outside waiting for me. But that is just something I've been thinking about and I'm curious if anyone has thoughts. You can email me, I will answer. I don't know when but I really will :)

Ok I love amd miss everyone from home!! Thank you for your continued prayers!